So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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