its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
