Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
