Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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