I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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