Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
