So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
50% drunk capacity currently
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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