Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
