you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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