Im at strip club and am horny
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
