During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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