Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
