Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
