So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
