his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
organizing the empties. That sober.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
