his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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