He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
