we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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