So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
