Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
