i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
