i just wanna soil my oats bro
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Barsexuality is the new black.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
