apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
