She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So much Jack, so little girl.
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