Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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