he thought i was a dude.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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