so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pants are for mortals
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
