Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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