that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
