Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
