I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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