Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
