i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
