He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't deserve a penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
