Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
