Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
