smell my finger.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
