Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i barfeds in our rink
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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