She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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