That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
