HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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