Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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