I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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