you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
