Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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