I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
