bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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