And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
