The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
