You really coming over, don't trick.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
