2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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