I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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